Uncle Mess @ KZP

It has been one month and I'm back again with an interesting (for all the foodies out there) post. If you are not a food lover, you can stop reading this post and go to my older posts. Just kidding.. I always wanted to use this "If you're blah blah blah, then stop reading this book and go screw your gal friend" disclaimer.. Now read on..

The person who said "We cannot appreciate light unless we know darkness" is really a genius. Personally, I've never been a food-lover until I came to NITW. The messes we had in NITW are the one and only of a kind and they are the worst of that kind. Here the regular menu is bad and the special mess menu is worse. The curry combos in NITW messes can be seen nowhere in the rest of the world. Can you ever think of a Bhindi-Aalu-Tomato combo? Or a Brinjal-Aalu-Tomato combo? Or can you ever think of eating a curry wondering what veggies might be in there? All the 5th mess (Narmada mess) boys were exposed to these kinds of bewildering experiences every other day. And I am one of those lucky bastards for the entire 4 years of my engineering

Hence the reason for becoming a foodie after I joined NITW. It's not just me; I'm with those hundreds of foodie-converted boys from NITW hostels, whose number is increasing exponentially every year. And we all were desperate for a food-joint on that NH-202 that would satisfy our taste deprived taste-buds. News about new food-joints, restaurants, messes near NITW used to spread like pandemic in the campus and the NITW faculty faced competition from the students in those joints. Personally, I started getting jealous of the people staying near KZP leaving for home during weekends.

Amidst this chaos and desperation, some day-scholar fellow told us about "Uncle mess" one day. This uncle (I dunno his name) had his small mess running at his home. His wife (we used to call her "Auntie") cooks the food and this guy manages the business. But this place is a bit far to walk from the campus. The first time we went and tasted the food there, we were "Oh my God.. where was this place hiding till now? And who are those lucky bastards eating here regularly??" I'm not a fan of KFC, but the food at this mess was really finger-licking good. Actually, it was neighbor's-finger-sucking good (I'm not gay, for the record). But there's the drawback: far to walk from the campus. So only the day-scholar lucky bastards were enjoying auntie's recipes and we were stuck again in the Narmada mess

Many people from our class stayed in the hostel itself during the summer after my second year. The best (and the worst) thing about NITW in summer is that the messes are closed. It's best for obvious reasons and worst as Warangal scorches up with heat in summer and we will get roasted like tandoori chicken given considerable time spent outside. And we don't have any alternative for food in the college, except for the canteen fellow who rations the lunch quantity as if he's serving holocaust and war prisoners. Anyway, we used to manage the lunch in canteen and would visit Uncle mess for dinner

The best part about Uncle mess is that he charged 18 bucks for the dinner. And no need to mention, almost everyone staying in NITW during summer would come there. Even some faculty (whose family were out of town, I guess) used to come there for lunch and dinner. Around 6 of us would go together and have dinner in one batch. We were not gluttons or something, but we would have a hearty meal and return to the hostel

I still remember that one day when 6 of us (I, KD, Madhu, Rajesh, Shravan(not sure), Kishore) took one table and started eating. The curries were so good that the 6 of us have finished 3 basins (big ones) of rice and gave the empty basin to uncle for another round. He was surprised by this and didn't return with rice until we understood the situation and told we would have curd and finish the dinner. That was one funny (and embarrassing) incident I recall whenever I find myself gluttonizing over food

Sometimes, Uncle and Auntie would visit their native place and inform us about the closing of mess for a few days. We used to feel disappointed and think about the other food joints for dinner. And as it happens, they all sucked and we would go to Uncle mess again when they returned. Who would prefer restaurant/fast-food to home made delicious food??

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The d'ash'ing illusionist without 'The Prestige'

Every great magic trick consists of three parts or acts. The first part is called "The Pledge". The magician shows us something ordinary: a deck of cards, a bird or a man. He shows us this object. Perhaps he asks us to inspect it to see if it is indeed real, unaltered, normal. But of course... it probably isn't. The second act is called "The Turn". The magician takes the ordinary something and makes it do something extraordinary. Now we're looking for the secret... but we won't find it, because of course we're not really looking.. we don't really want to know.. we want to be fooled. But we wouldn't clap yet. Because making something disappear isn't enough.. he has to bring it back. This third act, the hardest part, is called "The Prestige".

Well.. we had an illusionist at our college. I ll tell u his pledge, turn n the prestige..

The Pledge: He ll be showin himself lying down on his bed covered with a blanket, facing a wall n watchin comedy/action series in his laptop. We can see dat hez perfectly normal n natural at dis stage. But wat we dont see is dat hez scannin everything behind him

The Turn: I cant tell u abt the turn coz i havent watched it for myself.. well some ppl in our coll claim dat dey saw his 'turn' but it was still a conspiracy.. but one thing.. after "The Turn" some stuff in the room/others' rooms were found to be missing

The Prestige: Hey.. c'mon.. u might've guessed by now.. therz no 'Prestige'.. he doesn't bring back the missing stuff.. well the stuff returns.. but its ownership changes.. so its not "The Prestige" by rule

I once saw a video clip spoofin David Blaine's street magic.. it was really funny.. 2 guys spoof the audience n dey scream like idiots "How did ye do dat!!" after they see the 'turn'..

I ll give u reactions of some of the victims of our d'ash'ing illusionist (the victims were not idoits.. some were one of the best brains in our coll)

Sudheer: How did u do dat!! (for his 400 bucks from his bank a/c)

Sudheer: How.. How did u do dat!! (for his trimmer #1)

Sudheer: How the hell did you do dat!! (for his trimmer #2)

Sudheer: Arey mama.. how did he do dat?? (for his USB HDD)

(Well.. he was frustated coz he became the multiple-victim for our kleptomaniac)

Abhiram: Rey saami.. how did u do dat!! (for his class notes)

Nagendran: How did u do dat!! (for his i-pod)

Shravan: Oh Jesus.. how did u do dat!! (the above ipod was with him wen "The Turn" happened)

Ajit: How did u do dat maadi!! (for his pen-drive)

Sandeep(babai): How did u do dat!! (keeper of the above pen-drive durin "The Turn")

Nagarjuna: Rey jaffa.. how did u do dat!! (for his digital camera)

Our d'ash'ing illusionist has his own style of "The Prestige".. the stuff comes back after some days (it depends on da skill n risk in "The Turn" n also its post-investigations).. but eventually it comes back.. by dat time dis kleptomaniac has a nice story (typically "arey.. my sister gave dis ra") to declare his ownership over the stuff..

Well..on a fateful day in our third year his "Treasury" was searched n some stuff whose ownership was yet to be changed was recovered.. we were really amazed to see some things in his treasury which were not thought to be flicked by him.. the illusionist was rewarded properly.. but he was back to form in the final year with nag's cam

I ll sign off tellin u one thing off the record.. i used to borrow pen-drive from our d'ash'ing illusionist often (hez a definite n reliable source for pen-drives.. hez an "Electronics freak".. very loyal to his branch ece).. i m not makin dis up but he used to give me different pen-drives each time.. so finally wenever i cudn't get a pen-drive to use, i started to ask him.. once he asked me to wait (may be he dint have one dat time) n after some 10 minutes appeared with one.. God knows wat he did in those 10 minutes!!

Somebody at home is missing nitw pen-drives n hdds now!!

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Kismat Kumar @ ECE Dept, NITW

"Om Guruham Namaamyaham" --CBR, during the felicitation of Prof. JSR on da occasion of the latter's VRS

"I call my Ph.D guide on Sept 5 every year ma.. u guys dont have the courtesy to even wish ur teachers on Teacher's day" --KK (Dr.T.Kishore Kumar aka Kismat Kumar), on numerous occasions

Hmm.. dese guys really shud have deep respect n gratitude for their mentors coz.. hey c'mon i wont tell u dis time too.. dishonestly speaking, i really feel very bad to write such things on my Dept n my Coll (well.. if i really have dat 'college patriotism' i wont start writin dis stuff in the very first place).. So it really gives me loads of satisfaction to write abt dese ppl.. I used to think faculty at colleges like nitw ll be very motivated, intellectual, empowering, dexterous n.. (hey get a thesaurus n write da words for urself.. i m sick of usin dis Word Web software)

I wanna tell u some trivia.. u know how our proj guides r allotted.. first our ex-HOD Sarma allotted numbers to da proj batches n one of the students picked up a batch num by chits.. one of the guys in the correspondin batch wud come n pick up their proj guides name by chits again.. I picked up "Pappu's" students batch.. we escaped.. well KK was allotted to us n we cudn't know wheter to feel happy or sad or indifferent..

Frankly speakin i thought KK had some idea on Speech Processing which he claims as his area of interest n states dat he worked on speech processing wen he worked as a spy (ha ha.. i really doubt dis.. dis James Bond worked as a spy?? may be if he comes to know abt CIA he wud claim dat he worked for CIA) in PM's Cabinet Office in Telephone Dept.. but he doesnt even know why quantization is done (i m not makin dis up)

I thought not to give my opinions n speculations abt KK.. so here are some memorable excerpts from our batch (gunta, myself, jissin, u know who da other one is) meetings with KK.. dont try to get to opinions n speculations abt KK.. he wud be still far below ur "worst" opinion(not at all kiddin.. i have experienced dis)

#1. We had put a pen drive into KK's PC ( he has 400 MB free space in C drive and 3.5 GB free space in D drive.. dats da way he knows how to maintain a PC.. his desktop is flooded with ppts, folders, etc.. i dont think he knows dat files can be saved elsewhere other dan on desktop).. He put a virus scan on da pen drive(i wanna know who told him abt 'viruses' n 'antivirus').. well.. some trojan warning popped up as usual

KK: wat is dis ma.. u bring viruses into my pc.. see some Tarzan is comin

(dis is true.. he said 'Tarzan')

Another trojan warning popped up

KK: See ma.. another Tarzan..

#2. He asked us to collect some ppts on some Radar clutter n applications.. we dint wanna do dat work for him.. so we were askin how we wud get da ppts

KK: See ma.. u can get dem on the net.. i got dem thru Googly search

(i dont know if hez a hardcore fan of Anil Kumble or Shane Warne.. but he said 'googly')

#3. He was leavin for France (dats y we call him Kismat Kumar) n he wants to buy a laptop in Dubai airport (someone told dis cheap fellow dat laptops r cheaper in Dubai).. to get him more excited Jissin told him to ask the shop guy not to put genuine XP as it costs him a few more bucks..

Me: Sir, if u dont load OS den ask the shop guy for Drivers

(Now dont look at me like dat.. well its true dat ne one maintainin a pc will have the minimum common sense for gettin a driver cd.. read the next lines)

KK: Drivers for wat ma..?

If KV Sridar had been there he wud have said (read it as 'shouted') "Are u a fool to talk like dat?"

(The scene is not finished...) 

Me: (got shocked.. as u have got now) Well.. if u dont ask for XP while buying, u need to format it in the plane sir..

(dat poor sense of inference of my words is a result of dat shock.. ne way he ll stay in Dubai airport only for 2 hrs.. so i told him in dat way)

KK: (in "is it so?" kinda innocent way) Wat ma.. will dey ask me to format my laptop wen i get into the plane..?

The above place was intentionally left blank.. i could not get wat to write in it.. ne suggestions?? plz comment

Well.. though KK is exceptionally stupid technically, he has got lots of timing for jokes.. one good one i always liked.. this was in the DSP class (3rd year).. instead of 2nd minor he asked us to give seminar in batches of 2-3, our classmate Sridar (not da 'Shouting Star' one.. dis one is a student) hasn't got ne batchmate

KK: (to Sridar) why haven't u submitted a topic for da seminar ma..?

Sridar: (I dunno y he said dis) Sir, I m single..

(Well.. he meant dat he hasn't got ne batchmate.. now see how KK reacts)

KK: I m not askin ur personal problems ma..

( We all were in splits.. i bullied Sridar callin him 'Single Sridar' for some days)

I ll conclude tellin u how lucky our 'Kismat Kumar' is.. he toured Germany n Czech Republic last year on da credit of one of his student's paper.. he toured France for 2 months (is he not lucky?) on behalf of Tequip.. he told us he wud go to France again next year..

He is really 'Kismat Kumar'.. isnt he..?

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The Reality show without SMS requests

So i m continuing the discussion of our seminars.. read the prev post if u havent read it.. coz dis is a continuation..

In our Indian movies durin mid '80-'90s (n even some now) b4 presentin the star hero, directors used to show his diff body parts.. in the order of appearance are.. shoes, legs, thighs (i still wonder y they show his thighs), the bottoms (dont think i m sick n disgustin.. i m not fakin.. see old movies once again), chest, shoulders (waste showin dese.. many heroes dint used to work out those times), neck.. n finally the face... (well now heroines r being presented like dat.. may be gettin equality for women with men takes a little time nywhere)

Now i m gonna give u Our "Shouting Star" K.V.Sridhar's 'trademark' openings b4 he talks.. (in the order of freq of his usage n I m capitalizing where he shouts)

#1. ARE U A FOOL U TALK LIKE THAT??

(dis is true.. he shouts at every word wen he opens with dis line.. dis opening means dat the person standin b4 him is goin to be... well u might have guessed by now..)

#2. IS THIS WHAT U HAVE LEARNT??

(in dis line also he shouts at every word.. the meanin of dis opening line is da same as prev one)

#3. There are VARIETY of applications..

(well dis is a softer one.. shoutin on only 1 word.. dis opening means dat hez not havin even the slightest idea on the topic hez talkin abt)

#4. Are you SATISFIED with his ANSWER?

(shoutin on 2 words, dis is really a tricky question.. dis ll be posed to the person who asked a question in the seminar.. the outcome may be the items 1,2 or 3 listed above dependin on how he answered the above ques)

u know how 'reality dance shows' n 'reality singing competitions' are like.. the shivering contestant performs n the spice of da show follows.. the judges 'bang' him n stop it only after the victim starts cryin.. n the pathetic victim requests for SMSs from the viewers with tears in his eyes.. our seminars were the same except for the SMS part which is replaced by "Questionaire for the audience by the alleged victim".. (u might have seen in da movie 'Saw' how da psychopath killer influences n trains others to become his successors.. dis 'questionaire' to bang the audience is in the similar lines)

the other judge for our 'reality seminar shows' was Dr.T.Kishore Kumar (hey.. hez also my 'proj guide' man.. i ll tell abt him in the later posts.. plz feel free to comment upon him in dis page).. well KK was the quiet one n the 'Shouting star' was keepin on his stardom.. the seminar classes were 1 per week acc to dept schedule but our star used to take 2 per week (omg.. dats 6 hammerin hours per week.. dis is really an atrocity!!)

Our Shouting star was so busy with his schedule dat he took 2 seminar classes after the lab end exams failin to comlplete within the given time even after takin 2 classes per week (wat to do.. hez a busy star).. He thinks hez a King Lear in the subject (dont ask which subject.. item no #3 above comes den).. but hez not even a King Kong in da subject.. he even kept a 'Surprise slip test' on the seminar topics in a class..

I ll conclude this post by quotin Vennam Ravi Kumar's (topper of the batch, soft spoken guy) comment on our judges after this 'Surprise slip test' (i m not makin dis thing up.. he really said dis)

We all came out after the seminar class.. dat day it was conducted in META seminar hall..

Me: (addressin no one.. actually it was to everyone) Arey.. will dese fellows really evaluate this test papers?

Vennam: (to my surprise he replied) Well these guys don't even know what the answers are.. keep aside the evaluation..

The credit for gettin a comment from Vennam on the faculty of ece dept for the first time in 4 yrs (he never criticized in dis level ne lecturer in ece dept) goes to the "Shouting Star" K.V.Sridhar..

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...from The Big Bang to Black Holes

A brief history of Time from the big bang to black holes by Stephen Hawking.. dis influential book gave me an interesting memory for me in the final semester of my graduation..

U know how the final semesters are like.. full busy with proj work, seminars n gettin prepared mentally to leave the college (to avoid "oh my dear!! I am going to leave my coll!! boo-hoo noooo.. I can't leave dis beeaauutifuuul place" kinda feelings).. well my final semseter was the same except for the first n last items listed above.. yes it was only the SEMINARS dat occupied most of my final sem time.. the stupid 1 credit seminar schedule was so hectic dat i had to bunk 3 credit classes for the relief from the seminars (for all those guys who never knew the joy u get from bunkin classes.... go to hell... u r psychopathic geeks)

Comin to da schedule of our seminars, the credit shud be given to Prof.C.B.Rama Rao (dis is the first name other dan myself i m quotin in my blog) who took the charge of seminars initially n Mr.K.V.Sridhar (dis is the second name other dan myself i m quotin in my blog) who was his successor takin the charge after CBR became HOD.. (well i dont wanna tell u y i qouted dese 2 persons coz u may start lecturin me how n y teachers r supposed to be regarded high).. i think u got my point.. dese 2 guys dont belong to the regardin sect..

The seminars started off.. not one student even the ones givin the ppt standin on the dais r concerned, interested n even bothered abt the seminar.. but CBR wanted to give such a show off to 'his' seminars that the college should think (to be honest) dat he is capable of atleast takin charge of seminars ( dat was how the entire nitw thot of CBR.. i want to see the guy who gave CBR a PhD n ask him under wat kind of psychological condition he was in wen he did dat)

So i too was among the rest of da class who rnt interested in the seminars n one fine day i took dis amazin book "A brief history of Time" to da seminar class to read there.. well dis book is a non-fiction one n is very interseting.. as usual i was deeply immersed in the book wen CBR saw me.. he shouted at me.. he became 'the fast and the furious'.. no one (even myself) saw him gettin angry to dat level in the last 7 sems.. (might be its my day).. after makin a note of my roll num he shouted at me to bring my father (Dis is really funny!! he has the student himself in front of him with whom he can do nything n hez askin for his father.. thinks we r school pupils to get afraid of dat).. finally he took the book n threw me out of the seminar hall..

Durin the tea break, i thought to butter him n went to him.. he was in the seminar hall n the rest of class except for a few were havin tea outside the hall.. our exact conversation..

Me: Sir, I am really sorry for wat happened but i was preparin for my seminar topic..

(He gave me a look of surprise)

Me: The book has a topic on black holes sir n i am readin it..

CBR: Wats ur seminar topic? (He thought dat was the question to check if i was butterin him or not.. well dat was an obvious ques to expect.. isnt it)

Me: Region detectors for image analysis sir.. particularly space applications.. i was readin this book for detection of black holes from the photographs of galaxies..

(Well there was sense is dat answer.. but ne one who had some idea on black holes might detect the missing threads in the ans.. ne way i had confidence on the talent of CBR n took a shot)

CBR: (pleased) but u shudnt read it in the class na.. plz sit in the class n follow the seminars..

Wat did jus happen?? Watz dat "plz"?? dats wasnt my talent exactly.. it was CBRs 'talent'.. we all have always 'heard" of his talent but never "realized" it..

since everyone in the class dint watch dis live n exclusive, dey were surprised to see me in the hall after tea break (may be dey thot i ll get my slash from him).. n later many asked me wat happened n found out dat instead i got a pat on my back

I ll tell u how the seminars were conducted by K.V.Sridhar in my next post

With Sridhar, the seminars were like "Reality Talent Shows".. along with another judge... (details in next post)

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The "Script" that was well scripted but never screened

Cheers to Sarath Teja Somina.. whoz in the exact middle of success n failure.. (dis may not be kiddin).. opening the second post wid the closin lines of my prev post reminds me of the short film script we developed last sem (its an original one.. not some lift-off like our "nandi" telugu films)

Springspree '09.. i cant exactly recall this year's caption.. but wen i was in second year it was "Rendezvous with Nirvana" (i want to know who coined dis one.. may be he/she is a lover of mafia films.. wazup with this 'rendezvous'.. cant dey find another cool word??)..

Yeah.. i remember now.. it was simply sort of "The golden jubilee Springspree.. Return to innocence"..

Well why i drifted off to springspree was dat for a short movie screenin competition last sem in springspree we made dat script.. well we had our bounds for makin dis.. the concept needs to be child labor (wait.. wait.. dis is not a docu type or a senti type the one we made!!).. n another thing is dat people shud be able to watch it.. its shudn't be like a preachin dat we see daily at 6 AM in our idiot box.. (well i think the person who referred the TV as an 'idiot box' watched it at 6 AM n coined the name)..

So we made a script with 2 tracks going parallel in the movie.. in the middle of the movie ther ll be a discussion/debate on child labor (thnx to "Doubt boy" for his involvement in the debate part of da movie.. the points r really fresh n i havent seen a discussion on dis side of child labor).. the script came out really well n even we finished the casting (hee hee.. the cast members were our classmates.. but the real 'screen actress' of our class wasn't involved).. well we couldn't shoot the film coz.. hee hee i m embarrassed to say dis.. coz.. WE COULDN'T GET A GOOD RESOLUTION VIDEO CAMERA (now dont laugh at us.. like everyone in our class.. prove dat u r different from the typical human being)

I recall a joke from Russell Peter's comedy.. he tells abt the cheapness of Indians n how the number '0' (zero) was invented.. well the joke is good wen it is performed

An Indian goes to a shop n sees the prices list consisting of 1,2,3... 9

Indian: (Gettin surprised) "There isnt one price I wanna pay"

He writes a big '0' on the prices list

Another guy: "Wats dat?"

Indian: (shakin his hand) "Nothing"

Another guy: "Wat is its value?"

Indian: (shakin his hand) "Nothin" ( he starts to cry n wipes his eyes) "But it is beautiful"

The conversation between the script writers n the rest of our class was the same except for the first 3 lines..

Yes.. It is beautiful.. (not the zero stupid.. our script)


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